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Darkest night

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I have seen darker nights with you
But this is the darkest night without you
I have slept peacefully even on the floor with you
But I just pray this night to pass, tossing on the bed whole night

You said me to grow, wrapping me in your warmth of love
Today I have grown, but hankering for your love
I lost my childhood, when you left me without you
But still a child is crying inside me every night to see you

I haven’t remembered when I walked first time
But I remember every night, the day you talked with me last time
I lost those emotions, when I lost your touch
But my eyes live those emotions, in lonely nights

You held my hand every time I fell down
You soothed my pain with soft love blow on scars
But today I am in pain, dithering for you
But no one is here to blow with love and soothe my soul

I cried loudly even in the slightest pain
But today I have closed my mouth with hand to hide my biggest pain
I showed you my tears to fulfill my wishes
But today I am in tears, wishing no one to see my tears

I told myself thousand stories, hundred times
But still I hold my breath when your story comes in mind
I Laugh very hard in every walk of life
But it makes me cry when I see you smile

I grew up with a regret, that I saw you dying like I was a lame
That guilt tears me in thousand parts that,
How those materials snatched away my life

It has been years when both had laughed in lovely world
I know the truth, that nothing I can bring back
Neither my childhood nor you and your love
But wish not to see this darkest of nights anymore

Till my last breath

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I was there, lost in deep somewhere
It was filled with stars and light was there
Didn’t feel the truth that I was nowhere.
Then you hold my hand, and touched my soul
I saw first time, the purest of smile
One girl with flesh, that only I knew how am I
But you helped me out to search who am I
You loved me unconditionally,
And trusted me undoubtedly
You cared me overwhelmingly
And supported me every time.
I didn’t know what is love
But you showed me true love
I Don’t know how to love
But you love me from core of heart
I Didn’t know what is care
But you showed me selfless care
I don’t know how to care
But you care me like your child
A girl with heart, just functional as we read in science
You taught me love and Feelings of my heart
You feel my pain even before I cry
I hope to give you some part of my life
A girl with coal heart, found a golden hive
But I feel so lucky , to be with you in my life

I know, I can’t love you back as you do
Can’t care as you do
But thank you dear for being in my life
We May be far, away from touch, may be you would be busy in your life
May be I would be disconnected, no voice or call
May be you would think that I forget you,may be you wouldn’t forgive me   But will love that pain to embrace in my life

I may cry in dark, I may dither in pain
But will love that ache and would always love you as I can
You taught me emotions and fed me love
And today is your day but I don’t have anything for pleasant surprise
Just want to say that God bless you and I will love you till my last breath.

A journey: Before destination

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Hey, my name is Supriya, I am a typical Indian girl with foreign mindset, foreign mindset because even I am also not able to understand language of my mind and my heart sometimes. I am a girl who wishes to fly but fears to flap her wings, I am a girl who wants to have all seven flying colors in her life but fears to hold the brush and try different colors. I wish thousand of things but don’t want to take actions to have those in my life, because I am a girl, an Indian girl. The family, restrictions, society are not the reason of my crumped wishes, It’s only me. So I tried to take a leap and explore that universe within me, a fraction of outer world, and what can be the better than a journey, a solo trip. I am sitting on the window seat of a sleeper class Indian railway, alone but self-satisfied because it’s my journey. I can’t count the things that can happen with you or things which you can explore while you are in Indian railways, specially in sleeper coach. But the best thing which can happen is that you see life, life in motion, hundreds of stories to tell yourself while situations overpowers your peace of mind; movies to play while you are feeling under confident; while you and your heart is broken; while you don’t find any reason to be happy; while tears seem to be part of your life and fate written by invisible ink which can’t be erased but can be read in struggles of life. I am seeing the very basic picture of life, listening music of life which is not always soothing one. Sometimes, it’s sad song, other time it’s romantic, and also can be motivational which can help you to play happy song once again in your life. I am on window seat but all the scenes are not outside of the window, outside it’s nature, human developments, backwardness, dust, dusty faces with clear Ray of hope, faces in torn clothes wearing best smiles challenging the fate, small houses surrounded by pyramid of garbages; river struggling for her existence as she is almost dried, without any flow, victim of human developments and under the burning  sun, giving a message “please don’t close your eyes in proudness or with ego while you are flowing, care for those stones who have undergone the unbearable pain while giving you a path for your journey, be grateful to those slopes, land and everything which helped you to find real you. Because nothing is granted neither the flow nor the conditions because you are conditioned to face both, rise and fall, flow and ebb”. 

Inside the window there is pain masked behind the roaring happiness; there is satisfaction snuggled in tormented days and sleepless nights; there is all reasons to feel how fortunate we are; all reasons to ask ourselves “why not I can try to rise up, stand up once again no matter how harder I am being hit by life?”
This is just the start of my journey. I wish to reach my destination but pray to always have a journey like this, which might be painful, might be delaying my destination, might be frustrating me with it’s unproclaimed stoppages, might be enforcing me to cry, might be taking out the burning desire to reach my destination but saying to me “hey, hold on you are in the most beautiful journey of your life, don’t let your desire to blow off, you would love this journey once you would reach your destination”.